5 Simple Steps to Conquer Your Fears

Lolly,

This is so important. It is not about being reckless with fear but it is about abandoning fear that is holding us back from doing purpose-filled work. It takes a step forward; it takes a stiff backbone. More than this, it takes heart and it takes a supportive community.

Thanks for outlining great way to address our fears and move forward in positive, fulfilling ways.

Jon

Lolly –

When I was a little girl, I can remember being alone in my room and so scared of a noise that I literally could not move; I was paralyzed. I convinced myself that if I could just move my pinky, that would be a start, then my foot etc. Eventually, as I began to move thorough the fear, I was able to breathe again and relax. That lesson has stayed with me for many decades.

When we move into our fear, even a little bit, we are able to do more, breathe more, and move through it.

Thanks for this post as a great reminder that when fear wants us to run, we can choose to stay and transform.

Success after fear is exhilarating!!

I learned from Tony Robbins, years ago, that FEAR is False Evidence Affecting Reality. It’s not that fear doesn’t really exist, but rather that it exists but impacts reality by distorting it into something beyond our control.

As you pointed out, Lolly, fear is within our control.

We need to pull it out of the darkness and examine it closely. Fear is there for a purpose… to better know ourselves and our relationship with the world around us. If we don’t allow ourselves the gift to learn from it, we become a prisoner of it.

There is a quote I love from Harry Potter: “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.” I repeat this to myself every time someone mentions something I fear. It helps me to realize it is just a word… and becomes what I put into that word. That is how I regain my strength as a leader.

This article is wonderfully inspiring and came at a great time. I will share. Thanks for everything you write and tweet, I appreciate YOUR wisdom and leadership.

Good points Lolly. We cannot conquer our fears, or even learn to live with them if we never make an honest assessment of what they are and why they are.

I believe there is a lesson in everything and in every person we encounter. Our fears are no different. They show us what we are truly made of, and what we can be if we can get to the “other side” of them.

Your post brought something to mind….the more light we put into darkness, the less power darkness has over us. I always hearken back to that verse in the bible that talks about using a light to shine in the darkness. Light exposes things for what they truly are, and while we might not want to look at first, the thing(s) that are revealed are not as big and ugly as we imagined them to be. More importantly, how can we begin to overcome that fear if we don’t even know what it really is…..

Great post Lolly! The title “Get to know your fears” captures the message so well and really got me thinking.
If so much of what we fear is based on unknowns (and I certainly believe that), could it be that what we really fear is discovering some unknown aspects of ourselves?

Perhaps when we face our fears and get to know them, we might also be meeting some other “me” we’ve not met before. Who knows, maybe we just might like that “me.” 😉

In line with the thread, sometimes when you look into the fear you do find emotional “monsters” like shame or old humiliations or unfinished losses. The great nature writer, Annie Dillard, called that “riding the monsters all the way down” to a level of felt, shared humanity, an experience of the “universals” we hold within us. To say that such a journey is “not easy” can be an understatement. It can be deep and raw.

As a consequence I guess I’d always add that no one does this work of facing fears completely alone. Along with the beautiful steps you’ve illuminated, there is love. If we’ve received love when we’ve suffered and been afraid, we learn how to give it back to others who are standing in the fire. There are often no stronger words than “I believe in you.” We learn from one another how to send love into the darkness ahead of us, and it lights the way.

I think of 3 types of fear.

Legitimate fear of imminent danger.
Anxiety/worry about something that hasn’t actually occurred.
Confusion (not really fear, but it feels very similar).

I try to meet legitimate fear with a courageous heart.
Anxiety/worry with faith, friends and serenity.
Confusion with increased understanding and clarity.

I appreciate you!

I get anxiety when I have to go to doctor for my yearly checkup. I start getting nervous few days before appointment, isn ‘t that ridiculous! Then it gets really bad as soon as she gets that blood pressure cuff out, my readings are very high like 180 or 190 is the high number. My heart really starts beating. What is my problem??
Doctor makes me take pressure at home to give her a better reading, but have to admit, I get little nervous when I start out but then settle down and usually get an accurate reading a lot lower pretty normal. She has got me on blood pressure medicine, I don’t need it, I exercise and am not over weight at all. I had a fear that I would eventually have to take medicine, because of my anxiety when I get reading at doctor’s, thoughts do create. Please answer this!!

This post came at the perfect moment, Lolly. Your thoughtful approach provides a physical structure to the moment when the natural instinct is to “flee”. I love the way you break it down into very manageable – and approachable – bites. Many thanks!

Thanks Lolly! As always, you are right on the mark!

Added thoughts…

Fear is derived from past experience, whether in-person or learned from others. For example, would you fear a wasp if you did not know it could sting?

So living in fear is another example of living out our past… And with that context we can work through fear in the following way:

1) Identify the past experience(s) that elicited the fear
2) Draw meaningful learnings from that experience
3) Focus on the LEARNINGS over the EXPERIENCE

View the future through the lens of “what you have learned” over “what you have experienced.”

J. P.

Such an important post. When “everything” scares us…. it feels overwhelming. When we can break it down and identify it to what it really is, it’s much easier to address. It’s hard to do that by yourself. Talking it through with others often helps us to gain perspective. O love Alli’s thoughts on first move one finger. Yes!

Love, love the post, Lolly! I sometimes have irrational fears (well maybe they all are irrational) about doing things that feel uncomfortable. When that happens, I just talk to myself and say: “Terri, you have had much worse things to deal with that this! Stop!” That goes along with your great idea of : When fear stops scaring us, it will not stick around.” Shout the fear away! Thanks so much for this!

Lolly – good points. For most of us it’s False Expectations Appearing Real. Feel it …but do it!!

Unless of course it is genuinely dangerous in which case a sensible risk assessment would be advisable.

Hi Lolly,
There is nothing that I ever feared that upon facing it head-on lived up to the negativity that I had given it prior to walking through it! Fear only has the power that each of us gives it.
Thank you,
Dan Dukes

Thank you for bringing this topic to our attention . In my words
Fear originates in our desire to control of the future, our need for assurances and safety. Being one with God and on God’s Plan is the only way to have peace over fear. There is no better place to be than on Gods plan..
We own nothing, not our money, or children, or husbands, wives . God can take them in the blink of an eye..
Accept Gods Plan and you will find peace.

Last year I was fired, working for nearly 18 years in a bank. I felt the world came to an end. I couldn´t help it, but Fear embraced me, bills to pay, credit cards. My comfort zone was removed. I didn´t know what to do, weeks later I realized I had to start over, I had years without the need of making a simple resumé. Among the negative things that came to my mind, I had to get rid of my fears, that´s the only way to make steps forward, a new job must come sooner o later, so I had to be fearless to face my new challenge, a new chapter of my life.

Actually because of FEAR, we think a lot about things to accomplish and then things get into reality.

Lolly, post was really GOOD.

oh yeah, Lolly you have helped me in this article, as I speak Iwas full of fear of whether I wil raise the money that I want but you have my life better by this article
Thank

oh yeah you have helped me overcome my fears just by reading your article
Thank you

Nice One. I love it

Great post. Reminded me of the book “Feel the Fear and Do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers, written a number of years ago.

Fear can be so paralyzing, people can get into significant denial over it, and make so many excuses on why they can’t do this or that. Thought your post addressed this head on – acknowledge the fear and press into it and through it (rather than deny it.) We can waste so many God-given opportunities because of fear. Thanks.

Lolly,

Once again your heart is found mismerising the most infectious pollen in our close environments. Looks simple but right on the target. Please allow me to recite it:
Exposé it; let shrink it.
Face it; subdue it.
Dissect it; kill it.
Lean into it; undertake it.
Let FEAR flash False Evidence Appearing Real; TRUTH be known to you.
It’s gem, Lolly; Only yours.

Thank you Lolly for for these inspiring ideas for overcoming fear. I heard a classical proverb that says: do the things you fear and the death of fear is certain. I tried to apply this rule in my life and I noticed that many things change towards the right direction. Generally our attitude guides us to do what is fun and easy rather than what is hard and necessary, but I think that success hides behind what is difficult. Do the things you fear and the achievement of success would be guaranteed!

It’s nearly impossible to find educated people on this topic, however,
you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
Thanks

Very well put up article, this is really informative and reliable as well as helpful. Everyone should have a read on this. Thanks for sharing this and keep up the good work, very much appreciated.

Thanks for this information
One thing I have come to understand is fear
Will tell you that what is not present is present
Understanding this have real help me to overcome it