Nothing Personal It’s Strictly Business

Excellent points Lolly.

Yes, who we are at work speaks volumes about who we truly are.

And to look at the opposite end of the spectrum of the altruistically motivated heart-based leaders, and continuing your Godfather theme, underneath the things that we do that are not nice, there always lurks some personal motives. The motive may unfirtunately be that “the business” is more important than the person or the relationship. Or, that I think that what I want is more important than you.

We are the choices we make every day, all day long. And even though we may wish to deceive ourselves, it is always personally-motivated, and heart-driven. So if we can say, “it’s strictly business,” we need to check ourtselves for a little more truth.

Lolly –

I’ve had jobs where my heart wasn’t in it and I was just passing through on my way to somewhere I could live a more passionate, more engaged, more connected life. Work is absolutely personal. It’s a reflection of who we are and where we spend most of our waking hours. To deny that we bring our whole-selves to work is to deny who we are – not a choice that works long term.

Alli

Lolly ~

Before reading your post, I would have definitely said that business doesn’t have to be personal. My brain automatically turns off the “feeling” section and I’ve often reminded myself that I shouldn’t feel bad because someone else takes something poorly.

However, your post did make me take a step back and realize the personal investment we each put into our business. Truly successful business people and entrepreneurs are those that actively acknowledge the mind, body, and soul of each person we work with and help.

It is not just enough to apply the “golden rule”, but rather to fully grasp the impact that our own words and actions have on the world around us.

Thanks for opening my eyes… and soul…

Irish smiles,
Shannon

Lolly,
You are so right that we cannot separate our personal lives from our work lives. Both are intertwined and both describe what we value as people and leaders. I also think that when we bring our personal perspective into our leadership roles, we are more authentic and relatable leaders. I so appreciate your insights!
Terri

Spot on Lolly!

Along the same lines, I’ve had leaders believe and tell me they are masters in compartmentalization. ‘I know how to keep my personal life (lies and deception as an example) separate from the business.’

Friends and leaders. No. It’s flat out DENIAL. Plain and simple.

What we do bleeds into EVERY area of our lives. If not sooner it is bound to later.

The way we treat people; family, friends, strangers, customers and clients, peers, other professionals…impacts everything.

Love the whole post and highlighting the last line here:

‘Heart based leaders understand it’s personal. Who you are at work has everything to do with who you are in life.’

Person, personal, personnel, personify, personality and ……persona.

These rings are interlocked and, to borrow from Samantha, bleed into each other. Great advice to understand that “Who you are at work has everything to do with who you are in life.” Better to follow and flow from the heart at all times, rather than try to unravel the cat’s-cradle. Great post, Lolly ! 🙂

“It’s nothing personal” quite used in order to explain nothing and to avoid a face to face contact when actions speak by itself.

Hi Lolly

A very thoughtful and well written post. I love that you encourage people to explore their shadow side…..it is a part of who we are and we need to embrace all of who we are, not just part.

“When you bring the best parts of yourself to work, life, and leadership, when you make everything you do personal and connect to your work on that level, that you find the deeper meaning that connects our humanity to everything we do.”

It’s learning to be tender with all aspects of who we are, while focusing on nurturing the best parts.

Thanks….

Hi Lolly

You have a talent for cutting through the crap and getting right to the heart of the matter.

This post really hits home for me. I especially like, “Business is personal, because we each crave a deeper connection with our work, a connection that transcends position and power and money, a connection in which we meet needs and create something. We all want to be valued and recognized. And we like to know that we are making a difference when we put our heart and soul into something.”

So simple, yet so true. Thanks so much for sharing.

Frank

Unfortunately, for some people, business has become very impersonal. However, that does not mean that it is not personal for those affected by their decisions. When I am told that a business decision is impersonal I tend to think of Ebeneezer Scrooge. An impersonal approach to business may fill your bank account with money but it will not fill your heart with joy.

Rewarding, fulfilling and purpose driven business is always personal. I like to judge my business success by the presence of a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart. When both are present, I find that there is always enough income in the bank account too.

I use to say about that just a word, wholeness!

You are unforgettable, a fabulous leader!

Lolly,
Fantastic post. I think some leaders try to say “it’s nothing personal” to protect themselves from feeling too much. They fear intimacy and connection with the work and with the people. It’s impossible. The feelings are there, and there is huge power in leading from that connected place. I also know leaders who are reluctant to get “personal” with their teams. An interesting dialogue emerged on this post… the risks and rewards of professional intimacy.

http://letsgrowleaders.com/2013/06/10/professional_intimacy/

Karin,
You talked about leaders protecting themselves and you say they fear intimacy. What they don’t realize that “intimacy”- is the essence of what people want most

PEOPLE want to be appreciated, acknowledged and accepted.

Leadership that understands that – goes a long way…

Thanks for sharing your article and thanks for your added wisdom, I always look forward to what you have to add.

Lolly

Of course that is the great realization Michael has – that all business is personal! I was thinking about this and how actually when our work becomes just business then the next thing that happens is loss of interest and discontent. As ever a thought provoking post Lolly!

I have been reading your articles for sometime now, the more I read , the more still i want. Great writing, truely influences thoughts and actions.
Business is definitely personal and the way you have got it out is awesome.
Thanks and keep writing
Udayan

Thanks for the thoughtful post. But I always took Corleone’s quote a different way.

There will be problems at work. Competitors will take you on. You may not see eye-to-eye with your chair. The problems themselves aren’t personal. They aren’t your problems. If you left, the problems would remain for your successor. So in that light, much of what we stress over isn’t personal. It’s simply a part of being in business.

On the other hand, what you bring to the job – the personality, hard work, inspiration, ideas, commitment – nothing could be more personal.

Anyway, some food for thought. Thanks again for the wonderful post.

– Anthony

Why do most of the companies I’ve worked for strive for a impersonal culture devoid of emotion?
This has always diminshed my motivation and performance.

I’ll confess I have used that line when I had to let a person go because of his failure to comply with certain requirements. I like the man and his family and we remain on good terms, but his actions were bad for business and we could no longer tolerate it.

I do agree, however, that our work is very personal and defines in large measure who we are. This is especially true of the famous and not-so-famous leaders.

I agree with Anthony Demangone’s comments 100%.
Lolly, I did like your post very much but I sincerely think you missed that angle. It is very important to leave business behind when you go back to your home and your family and NOT lose any sleep over that client.

Yanni

Lolly,

Nice piece…and I totally agree with you.

It’s been said many times that people don’t care how much you know (technical competencies about the job, the company, the board room, the market, the science) until they KNOW how much you care. Care being defined as watchful attention, we all want leaders/colleagues/coworkers/etc who care and are truly watchfully attentive.

The only way that watchful attention is authentic is if it is personal…and when it is, the people being led can feel the authenticity.

In the end, life and not just business, is all personal isn’t it?

I suppose the above makes it even more important to get a handle on ourselves because wherever we go, there we are!

its personal when there’s passion involved,,,before that,,,its just pride. Pride is the hardest thing to get over,,,Passion will make you get up quicker and take back whats your,,by making what you gave away, better than what you had,,,,in the 1st place,,,,have you something in mind,,girl,,,

Lolly- totally agree. In fact the minute someone says ” It’s nothing personal..;” you know you are going to hear something hurtful/negative and VERY personal!

Greetings Lolly.

I stumbled upon this post via LinkedIn and couldn’t resist due to your use of The Godfather. I love the concept of your post and I agree with you on the reality that we are heavily involved in our work (as does Michael Corleone – see below), however we differ in our observations of the quote you used as Michael was trying to point out to Sonny that to kill a cop could be rationalized and accepted by the media and police because the cop was dirty, therefore the means justify the ends. When saying that quote, Michael is stipulating that his decision is not based out of an emotional response but more-so a logical and tactical reprisal – strictly business.

However, at the same time, I agree with your post in that Michael (especially by the third film in the installment) sees what he has given up to achieve/maintain “The Family” and suffers with the regret of his choices, something I hope we all can learn from whether it is in business or in life.

First and fore-most, that line has multiple uses in the movie and the one I prefer to focus upon comes when Tom Hagen says the line to Sonny. “You’re father wouldn’t want to hear this Sonny. This is business not personal.” This line precedes Michael’s use of this phrase as quoted above.

It was said to get Sonny to not react emotionally to what happened to his father and think clearly before he took action and not let his ego (emotions) get the best of him because that’s how you end up dead (or fired) as Sonny did later in the film. People often let their emotions get involved in decision making, especially business decisions and this costs them dramatically due to the resulting consequences.

In The Godfather, Copolla wasn’t suggesting Michael was the model citizen or a humanist in any sense. He was showing the duality of running a cut-throat (literally) organization and the sacrifices one has to make to do so. It is a Greek tragedy in every sense of the word as the more Michael took power, the more he lost the human part of his essence. Remember that Michael was a war hero and not part of the Corleone Mob family until after he took revenge for his father being shot.

As Michael adopted more and more of the role he had to play to become the Godfather (the boss), he lost more and more of his humanity, his role as a husband, and as a father as do many that make these choices to achieve/maintain power of any kind. Plenty of leaders of all kinds of industries and especially those driven to create something, often make sacrifices such as their marriages, time with the family, and personal freedom so they can become “The Boss.”

This is one of the reasons The Godfather is so brilliant and the film has resonated with such a wide variety of audiences. People from all walks of life can identify with Michael’s actions, choices, mistakes, and especially his regrets as though they were their own.

Granted, these are not people everyone wants to emulate, but they are who they are and we can only do our best to not fall into these traps in our own world which is I believe what you are stating above (and rightfully so) and something both Mario Puzo (the author of The Godfather) and Copolla wanted the audience to wrestle with conceptually.

For what it is worth, Michael also says to Tom, “Tom, don’t let anybody kid you. It’s all personal, every bit of business. Every piece of sh*t every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. OK. But it’s personal as hell. You know where I learned that from? The Don. My old man. The Godfather. If a bolt of lightning hit a friend of his the old man would take it personal. He took my going into the Marines personal. That’s what makes him great. The Great Don. He takes everything personal Like God. He knows every feather that falls from the tail of a sparrow or however the hell it goes? Right? And you know something? Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.”
Michael knew what he was doing and chose the responsibility and sacrifices that came with it, again, as do many that seek these roles whether it is out of ego, the quest for power, or to create. Both the Don and Michael suffered tremendously for their choices. This is one of the morality/quid pro quo plot lines of the film.

The truth to the above statements ultimately lies in the eye of the beholder. Food for thought. Don’t shoot the messenger. FYI, I loved your post, just thought I would share another angle. 🙂

Great post Lolly! Such a simple truth about words that are used so frequently.

Dorothy naild it when she said, “…The minute someone says ” It’s nothing personal..;” you know you are going to hear something hurtful/negative and VERY personal!

Hello Lolly…this is very true and very meaningful. It is personal, which leads to authenticity and true leadership. Thank you again for a wonderful post.

Jay

True portrait of your uniqueness, Lolly.

Eveything is personal, but we should learn to distingusish when we make a business decision based on personal issues, and when they are based on professional/scientific issues.
Keep in mind that after all Michael K. had to make a decision relating to his brother. Eventually, as we all know, he opted for the business based one, rather than the personal based one.
Bottom line is that there are personal and professional decisions, and Michael K., as a any good manager, chose the professional one.

Difficult to conceive anything more personal than a Mafia bump-off.

Aloha Lolly…

My comment is from another angle…the angle
of the individual who gets laid off or terminated.

I’ve been laid off twice in my JOB career…and
terminated from my recent job of 2 years last
Wednesday.

Being on the receiving end…it really was nothing personal…it was strictly business.

From this perspective…I respectfully disagree
with your view of the quote.

Individuals all over this country…hard workers…good workers…giving their all to their employers…some for many years…

can be dropped like a hot potato…if the employer
feels they are not a fit…or they don’t need you anymore…or
they need to cutback their workforce or for whatever reason.

My recent employer…is an at will employer…meaning they can terminate any employment without cause or notice.

With decision making power like this…at any time an individuals can…will and are
treated like numbers…taken unexpectedly to the theatre
and shown the film…

Das Boot!

see ya…you gave your all…day after day…for years…

it doesn’t matter…see ya…

you lose all your health/medical benefits too…it doesn’t matter…see ya.

Nothing Personal…Its Strictly Business.

So…what was I terminated for?

I didn’t smile enough…that was a main reason given.
I know you and your readers don’t know me

but my smile is one of my strengths. Don’t laugh…
its true…the report said…”its the one thing missing from Garren’s customer experience is his smile.”

Anyway…

point is…

Its important to not be deceived…especially in
employer/employee relationships…that one
is indespensable…

You think because your a good worker
a hard worker…sincere worker…you’re free from the ax of

sorry…Nothing Personal…Its Strictly Business.

If you do…you may want to think again.

What happens to a person whens/he brings that heart to work — cares for clients, goes the extra mile for colleagues — takes a trues interest in the job but works for and with others who don’t? When they kick that person in the teeth for thanks? Especially if there is no where else for that person to go (golden handcuff syndrome), what does s/he become?

Absolutely agree. And if a company tries to make it “non-personal” they are sure to lose customers. Nothing makes customers run away faster than the feeling they are not important to a company and vice verse for a company you work for. I once worked for a guy who was a jerk and used to tell our customers he was a millionaire. He egotistical attitude would have run me off as a customer and as an employee, when I had the chance to get out, I did!

Excellent article Lolly. I’ve firmly believed in this all my life. Unless its personal there is no connect with what you are doing. We are inspired and motivated when its personal.

The phrase “it’s just business” seemed to become engrained in our consciousness after The Godfather movie. It’s a pattern that persists and is out of balance in my view. I’ve worked in corporate management and executive positions in the non-profit world. Any time someone wanted to remove the people part of business out of a decision this phrase would be used. This sentiment became the inspiration for my own personal journey to change business patterns through our Alignment Process movie sessions. I believe a new set point in business is emerging and it leaders like you Lolly that are inspiring others to choose a different approach that’s win-win and more inclusive. I’m cheering you on and will do my part to support the emerging set-point.

Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this site needs a lot more attention. I’ll
probably be back again to see more, thanks for the info!

I never bought the notion that we are two separate people; one for work and one for outside work. Who you are in work and how you behave at work reflects who you are outside of work. Many may mask their true selves in work but under stress and pressure these often hidden personality traits come oozing out. It is a real surprise when a seemingly pleasant co-worker becomes a back-stabber. Being at work is no reason or excuse to be nasty and cruel. If you are nasty and cruel at work … then you must be reflecting part of your true soul.

Lolly, thank you for this post. I am glad that you tweeted it today. Business is personal. I want to do business with people I care about, who share my values and vision. I recently had someone explain that their business decision, which has the potential to negatively impact their friend, as “Friendship is friendship and business is business – and this is just business.” I don’t separate my relationships into two different categories as they are both about trust, value, and commitment. I am happy to see that many of the commenters feel the same way.

Lolly, I enjoyed your blog post, thanks for reposting this relevant message. Dismissing our behaviour as ‘just business’ carries a big danger of supporting the notion that we can separate ourselves from what we do, like work. We so often switch what’s important here which is the PERSON doing the work and not the work itself. Of course, the work that we do and the impact that it has or the results that it creates is the value that we bring into the world and it is for that which we are paid/rewarded . However, the subject here, the important element, is that WE are the ones who are doing the work, a person and as such it is always personal. I think there’s possibly another blog article hear coming from the opposite end of the spectrum. It would be interesting to explore situations where our personal investment or connection is holding us back. I’m thinking of situations like a dead-end job that were unwilling to give up or the entrepreneur who won’t jump from a sinking ship or an individual in a one-sided relationship.

Nice post but suspect it will have no effect or value to sociopathic leaders or those who have little time for the non logical side. It’s business so its logical after all..isnt it? On a development day, a boss heard the explanations from their senior staff and facilitator about the importance of “feeling” types in the organisation. We thought we were getting somewhere but at the end he said “I sort of understand this seems to be important to you people who are feelers but I am the boss and if I make a decision then I dont care what your feelings are, cos I am the boss, simole”
One whole afternoon of development blown away by a truly arrogant, self important comment. Charismatic leader or not…lost so much respect.

I love this article Lolly! Was just in a conversation where someone was saying that she can handle difficult things because she doesn’t take things personal. And in the same conversation she was concerned that her efforts might be overlooked.

Nothing personal?

It’s a convenient defense method or rationalization for when we are faced with rejection or when we have the guilt for an action that will emotionally hurt another.

Of course, regardless of which side of the coin we rest, whenever we play the “Nothing Personal” card we risk dehumanizing either ourselves or our people. In those moments we have lost the power to really motivate ourselves or them to do great things. Vulnerability does not exist when “nothing is personal” and it’s strictly business, and its key for building great trusting relationship.

Our people do the best when they have a reason to care. In battle we’ll give our lives for our brothers and sisters. Motivation at work is daily battle where personal will always provide more resiliency than impersonal.

That’s a simple matter of the human heart. Damn right its personal.

I’ve heard that line far too often. It is usually used as a means of deflecting blame or ownership of a decision. Thanks for this Lolly!

All of tips you mention they are very helpful.

Lolly – A great article, with a very Important message. It is unfortunate, however, that your Steve Jobs and Jack Dorsey examples, highlight major players who had the power and/or connections to rise above the situation. How many people are there at the lower levels in organizations who are unable to get beyond such situations and for whom it negatively impacts their entire subsequent career. It is high time we understood that profit flows from people and stopped putting profits at the forefront of everything. Bob Chapman at Barry-Wehmiller provides a wonderful example of this

The movie changed that conversation. The book said, “Tom, don’t let anybody kid you. It’s all personal, every bit of business. Every piece of shit every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. OK. But it’s personal as hell. ” The book got it right.

You maybe liked as a person but if you are not performing for the company and you are fired then you should not take it personal it’s just business. If your reality of your performance is not shared by anyone else other than you then your reality needs to be put on check . I never knew any one being eliminated by being a high performer .

Your Article is one of the best things i have seen these days!!
This Question.. Whether business is personal or not has echoed in my heart many times a year. But i must accept your words .. every thing we do with our heart and soul is personal. be it business or a job.

But how can we find difference between personal or professional tasks? Can We focus on both personal and professional life ? is it possible to balance? That’s what my next big Question!!