Leadership: Disappointed To The Core

Love the post Lolly.

All of the factors that you have listed center around the issue of trust. We trust other people to be there, listen, back us up, deliver, keep promises. For leaders it takes some time and discernment to figure out who to trust and how much.

People are human, and all of tthese things will happen to each of us sooner or later.

The gold is in the response. Sort through the truth of what is going on, keep whats useful and dump the rest, and find your way forward. And never, ever lose trust and faith in yourself or your Source.

Thanks Lolly! This post is exactly what I’ve been needing. I’ve been disappointed a variety of times and it has become hard to lead and trust those who I will be leading. I definitely needed to read the respond part because I often find myself not letting my feelings out. I will remember that I can stop the cycle. Thanks again for another great post!

Lolly,
You already know how much I admire what you are doing in heart based leadership.

This particular post is a beacon that speaks the truth so simply and clearly — it is sure to reach everyone.

Tremendous contribution to the world of leadership.
Kate

Lolly:
This post required courage, wisdom, reflection, and above all a willingness to share what although is a universal experience, is one about which few are reluctant to speak. Speaking it out as you have, no doubt from the depths of a wide experience, demonstrates to others that it is more than o.k. to do so…we have all suffered (yes, I’ll go with that strong word here) what you are expressing and we are most often reluctant to speak about it, even to ourselves….but not to do so, paradoxically enough, is to hug it unto ourselves…
I know this terrain so well. One feels so many emotions-I just think you have once again hit all the nails right square on the head with this one.
I hope a lot of people who need to see it (I’ll count myself in) do so, and I’ll do what I can to share.
Thanks.
Wayne

Lolly,

This post is amazing. I continually seek ‘optomistic’ posts that will inspire me to move in a positive direction, to focus on the good and push aside (nearly ignore) disappointment. This post reminded me that in reflection and awareness I can do my best work to lead from within. You have reminded us that it is okay to feel uncomfortable, insecure, anxious – even while remaining optomistic. Ah, the complexities of being human, of opening our hearts.

Thank you Lolly for sharing, for leading from within. Jo

I agree

Lolly,

Thanks for this enlightening post! I often find it very hard to forgive when my trust has been broken and this often makes it difficult for me to forgive. The tricky part is to not hold a grudge. Going beyond the emotion and into understanding is the path to enlightened living. We all have to strive to understand others and the factors that push them to act the way they do.

Thanks for this thoughtful post!
Ivan

Good points Lolly. Letting go of disappointment can be challenging but is a sign of true healing. Thank you!

Lolly;

Truly wish I had this post two years ago when I lost my Dad and had a career disappointment in the same week. This is great advice and I will use it moving forward for myself and for others that feel disappoinment in their lives.

Thank You

Tom

I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t lonely. Raised in a military family, i remember having many conversations with officers that confided that even the most “social” leaders felt lonely much of the time. Probably, one of the toughest beliefs i have is surrounding myself with good people and the first thing i look for is reliability over Capability. Unfortunately, these people come few and far between. Second, once someone throws you under the bus, they’ll throw you under the bus again. Maybe I’ve just had a string of bad luck but i just can’t seem to find people with similar values and thus, I’m lonely.

James,

I totally relate with what you are saying. There are very few opportunities for very deep and trustworthy relationships in one’s life. I believe and have noticed that people with lots of friends don’t have the time to really explore these relationships very deeply. Thus they will have more superficial relationships and will often not experience and understand true friendship.
This holds true in and out of the business world.

It is like almost everything else in life, quantity is often in opposition with quality. That’s why we cherish the few great relationships we are privileged to have in a lifetime.

Take care,
Ivan

This is a beautiful and power and powerful post, Lolly. It reminds me of how we disappoint ourselves, too, and how badly we can get lost when we become too responsible for what is outside us. The fact that we may blame ourselves for what’s happened makes disappointment a multiplier of fear, guilt, grief and shame. The Shadow may be our fantasy that we should be able to control everything and everyone. And then we pay the price — not only for what has happened but for a secret belief that we deserved it. We must find a way to end that cycle by offering ourselves genuine compassion and not holding a grudge with ourselves — which means ending the inner punishment and the holding onto of disappointment as proof our own insufficiency. It’s a deep dive, and always worth the journey to find our true radiance.

The beauty of this posting to me is that is opens the space for a new way of understanding ourselves and others. When our tender hearts are revealed, a new world is opened up.

Thank you Lolly!

Lovely post and I was especially impressed with this quote:

“Don’t forgive and forget—forgive and remember, not to hold a grudge but because there are lessons to be learned.”

Such an important piece, Lolly. People tell us who they are all the time and it is up to us to learn from and about them. Remembering helps us navigate the pitfalls of disappointment and other perils of relationship, and go for bigger risks and the deeper levels of connection.

If you don’t trust others, it means that you don’t trust yourself as well. From this, nothing can come up. Because lack of trust, you will share this negative energy to all you are suppose to lead and only the negative leadership will be promoted with lack of trust. This is fact because you can give only what you have meaning that, if you have lack of trust, you will give lack of trust.

Dan,

your words always move me. Especially your last sentence:

“It’s a deep dive, and always worth the journey to find our true radiance.”

This is so true.

Deep diving means hurts, disappointments, pain.
Radiance- wholeness of self.

Your wisdom will be missed tonight on #leadfromwithin

Lolly

What a tremendous post Lolly! I think it is so hard sometimes to stick with our core values when we feel disappointed and possibly angry. But you are right that we shouldn’t be swayed by others. Disappointment is really just part of the cycle of life and the more experience we have with it, the more able we can deal with it. Your insights and wisdom keep amazing me.

Lolly,

A post like this and its timing are very amazing for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned a few points to help me in the current debilitating situation I find myself in. I always enjoy your wisdom and as someone who leads from the heart, I feel the power within, but sometimes need the perspective change to release it. Trust is hard, but I have learned I can’t stop trusting, I just may have to change my approach, but never my core values.

Lolly,

Thank you for a very insightful, spirited and generous post.

At some point in time disappointment always comes a knockin’. It’s not a guest that any of us wish to greet with open arms but it is a visitor that from time to time must be served. Spending time with disappointment can actually be humbling. We don’t have to coddle disappointment and settle in for a long haul relationship but if we open our mind and heart to why we find ourselves face to face with disappointment, I believe we stand to learn a great deal about ourselves, our character , and our core values.

As we journey forward in life and business, we will have set backs and we will encounter adversity. To have everything wrinkle free and perfectly formulated, all the time, would indeed present a whole other set of stifling and robotic issues.

Yes, disappointment is like an unwanted guest that none of wish to cater to, but if we approach with a positive attitude, lead with grace and gratitude and leave with understanding and learned lessons …then… in the big picture of things, disappointment has a much less powerful hold on us and is not quite so scary and unmanageable when it rings your bell.

The good news is, people are extra-ordinary! Life experiences can inspire, empower and allow us to create incredible positive change. Every day, in some small or big way each one of us has the opportunity to role model, share, lead and simply be the best we can be. Let us Celebrate one another and help one another be pro-active rather than re-active. I believe the rewards will ultimately be beyond the goal and expectation.

Lolly,

Your thoughts are exquisite. “Remember” touches me to my core. While in the “thick of it” t’s hard to be mindful that this circle of disappointment is the true issue. We assume it’s happening to us and no one else. We pass it on to the next person.

You’re right … as leaders we must choose to break that cycle. Brava, Lolly … brava.

Disappointment is so common we tend to simply take it for granted. So the idea of taking time to review recover and rejoin is fresh enlightening.

I love it when the universe brings us exactly what we need to hear, just when we need to hear it! Your words were like salve to my wounds. As leaders, we spend a lot of our time supporting others, and unfortunately, there’s no one there to support us when we need it. Just reading the things you wrote have given me permission to grieve the dissapointment, and to know that it’s okay to feel disoriented and alone. Thank you for sharing your amazing wisdom! It was such a gift.

Hey Lolly, great post and this made me smile as it appeared just as this has been on my mind.. So touching to read everyone’s comments also it is a universal struggle and pain… A reminder to me that love and consistency must start with myself – with my inner foundations strong and secure I can be open and less affected by the inconsistencies of others and then I can assess how much energy and time the relationship is worth … It also frees me from loneliness as I am connected to source LOVE

Lolly,

Disappointment is the result of our reaction to what we receive short of our expectations. Intensity of the hurt depends on the nature of our relationship and preparedness to absorb such shocks. The most enlightened aspect of your post is that you have shown the way to eye light through darkness.It really requires courage and imaginative power to touch the thorny side of life and leave a safe passage for others.

Hoping to hear more in coming days!

Dawood Chishti

“Disappointment is like taking a long lonely walk down a long corridor, and the door at the very end is bolted. ”
thanks lolly i love that statement,,but can i add to it “and infront of you are hundreds,if not thousands of keys.only one of which can open a particular door,,,
either way the only way to avoid dissappointment is to turn around and walk out of the building,because of the 1000 keys,only one will open the door,,so if we expect to get it in the first,or even the first 50,100,or 400 tries,by attempt 500,600,or 700,,we have all but crushed our unrealistic expectations,and destroyed our vision for success.fact is that the odds favour each key to be the wrong one from the first,and all the way to the 998th key only at the 999th attempt do the odds become even for either outcome,,,but at key 1000,guess what?…probability doesnt just favour success,it demands it….at key 1000 the probability of unlocking the door is 100%…if you make it through 999 dissappointments,your next attempt is guaranteed to succeed by the laws of probability…of course its just unlikely to find the right key attempt 1000,as it is at attempt 1…in the latter you might think youre very lucky,but infact all you gained from that 1st attempt was a right key,with no knowlegde of how you did it,and any confidence you had is overshadowed by knowing the part luck played,but by attempt 1000 you have gained personal growth,and a self belief based on persistance,and experience with handling 1000 keys,luck is no longer relevant to you,for by attempt 1000 you defeated luck,by calling on the laws of probability through repetition….
Now,which would you rather good luck,or good growth??

A good leader is the first one to respond. A good leader has personality, courage, clear vision with ambition to succeed. A good leader encourages the team to perform to their optimum all the time and drives organisational success. This doesn’t mean that you have to have an aggressive attitude, Tone of voice can dis story or make a good situation. Respecting others feelings is a very diligent attribute. Respecting with dignity, always putting someone higher than you is a true leader! A good leader has the ability to see through the circumstances. And to delegate responsibility.

Great article.
What is missing is that when leaders make correct choices, they develop integrity.

Integrity is not just missing in leaders, it is a core that is missing in the world.
We disappoint others and ourselves on many occasions, only to do it over and over again.

I just wrote about this in my article. http://grandparentsrule1.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/integrity/

Lolly, this was an inspiring read this morning. Thank you.

This has been an interesting and enlightening string to read, and I can certainly relate to many of the comments. I’ve crawled out of some amazingly deep chasms of disappointments over my career and subsequently struggled to find the trust that is necessary if one is to engage in life and relationships – both business and personal. It’s a never ending work in progress. I would only like to add that this can all apply just as easily to staff as to leadership. Many of my career moves were made for that very reason – because leadership was such a disappointment – empty promises, few positive changes, and very often little or no support for the very folks who were shouldering the majority of the work and would do anything to help. The only thing that keeps me moving forward is my own work ethic, the belief that I can make a difference, and the hope that I am leaving positive changes in my wake.

Wonderful and inspiring. Sharing with my facebook friends. Thank.
Hem Chandra Kukreti

I hate people who pretend to help but their help is to convince you to believe them until its too late

I refuse to let people who disappoint me shake my faith in the hearts of those I lead. Thanks for this great framework for recovering and turning the pain into a force for good.

Your article is so insightful. It really touched a chord deep within me. Your advice of being congruent to your values is really a great advice.

Muralidharan Jayaram,
http://www.changeconquest.com

Dot on.
“Leaders are not entitled to disappointment” is easier said than true. Your prescription is precise. Thank you, enjoyed reading it.

Great article that brings up memories. I remember at one point in my life when one of my trusted leaders conspired to reduce my credibility amongst the team. It was painful and required a careful response. These types of choices can be very difficult. If overcome with dissapointment we might feel reluctant to act swiftly.

Self-Leadership is crucial. It is important to understand our cognitive assets as well as our thinking biases. Ultimately we want :

“The deliberate and conscientious practice of engaging one’s best thinking in any and all circumstances that matter.”

Such an incredibly thoughtful post in general, and a timely post for me, personally. Thanks for sharing this useful guidance; it’s very much appreciated and currently being acted on. #impact